Why The Gulf of Mexico Should Rightfully Be Named The Gulf of Longsword

January 31, 2025
Why The Gulf of Mexico Should Rightfully Be Named The Gulf of Longsword

During yesterday’s weekly hot tub faculty meeting, while we were all vigorously debating international naming rights, I found myself moved to share my thoughts about this matter of the Gulf of Mexico’s nomenclature.

My good lady wife, who was on tea and biscuit duty poolside, made an observation. If US President Donald Trump can propose “Gulf of America,” and Denmark can stake a claim merely because some Vikings once paddled about in it, then surely my extensive handling of the region’s case studies warrants consideration.

You see, dear reader, I have spent years probing the depths of the Gulf’s many corporate mishaps. The oil and gas sector has repeatedly shown us how things can become rather hot and sticky, requiring swift action and a firm hand. These incidents have spurted forth some of our finest MBA case studies, particularly in crisis management – a subject I know intimately well, especially around Valentine’s Day when my emergency seminar on “Rapid Response Protocols for Romantic Misunderstandings” sees unprecedented enrollment.

My good lady wife, who has extensive experience with unexpected spillages (due to our penchant for Sunday morning breakfasts in bed), often reminds me that, “it’s not the scale of the problem that matters, Sebastian, but how quickly you can get your response up.” Wise words indeed.

The Gulf of Longsword would stand as a testament to MBA Thinking at its most graspworthy. After all, what better way to commemorate these educational opportunities than by naming this body of water after someone who has spent years extracting valuable lessons from its depths? As I tell my students, academia should reach out like a long sword – firm and purposeful, though occasionally causing widespread panic when wielded inappropriately.

During the hot tub faculty meeting, I put this motion forward to my colleagues, who were all rather flushed with excitement at the idea (though that may have been due to the enthusiastic nodding of Professor Johnson, which caused rather more wave action than expected). The vote was unanimous, though I should note that by that point, several members had succumbed to the heat and were floating face-up in what I can only assume was silent agreement.

As part of our mission to make South Australia The MBA State, having a gulf named after one of its leading academic lights would surely help position us globally. And as my good lady wife noted while mopping up yet another tea spillage, “Better to name it after someone who teaches about disasters than after those who cause them – though in your case, darling, the distinction is often rather fluid.”

For further discussion on this topic, please join us at next week’s hot tub faculty meeting. Though I must advise that my good lady wife has requested all attendees bring their own biscuits, as we’re still trying to determine exactly what happened to last week’s floating custard creams. The facility manager assures me the discoloration of the water was temporary.

Yours academically, Professor Sebastian Longsword MBA School of MBA Credentials Adelaide, The MBA State

P.S. – For those interested in exploring this topic further, I’ll be conducting a special seminar on “Penetrating Global Markets: A Long Sword Approach” this Friday in the hot tub. Attendance is mandatory, towels are optional.

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